As a mother of 3 daughters I am often baffled by the juxtaposition of dreading their development into young women all while preparing them for it. I was raised in the Christian church, morality and virtue the cornerstones of my childhood. As an adult, I’ve deviated from religious doctrine and found a new sense of purpose and spirituality. In it I am comfortable and liberated. However, those principles that were instilled in the young women of my church still have value to me-being kind to others, showing compassion and generosity, and probably what was considered the most important rule-no sex before marriage. I’ll be the first to admit that I took a swan dive off the cliff of virtue, leaving my virginity behind and relished the entire freefall into the abyss of pleasure below. Honestly, I have no regrets and I look fondly upon those memories as they were learning experiences. BUT….I would go ham and bananas if my girls were to EVER decide to engage in drinking, driving, sexing, sinning, or any of the aboving. In my hypocrisy, I cringe at the thought of them becoming sexually awakened and morally corrupt.
Recently I had a conversation with a young woman who could be described as promiscuous. Her behavior over the years has been self-destructive and littered with poor choices that led to becoming pregnant and alone. Like me, she was raised in the christian church with with good parents, from a good family who taught her morals and values. One would think, or at least I would, that those lessons would be enough to deter a young woman from that lifestyle. But I know for a fact it does not. Which leads me to my question….how do you prevent your children from doing things that are deemed detrimental? How do you keep them from making the same mistakes as mom/dad?
I’ve toyed with this answer and even polled other moms. The answers given ranged from “beat their ass”, to “put the fear of god in them”, “always keep the lines of communication open”, and “prayer”. Beating one’s ass has not proven an effective form of discipline (I’ll address this topic in a future post). The fear of god, well the fire and brimstone talk never scared me. Young people are smarter now a days, and fear less than I did in my time. And while I agree with keeping the lines of communication open, I’m looking for more concrete measures to improve conditioning. Prayer, go for it, but I’ve seen many a mother praying, bible constantly in tow, and 3 out of 4 daughters all pregnant by 18. What I’ve come to realize is that it is a mindset, and one that is lacking of self-value, self-preservation, and self-awareness.
When raising a daughter, we must approach it as we aren’t just raising women, but Queens. Queens are regal, intelligent, and poised…further they are not common, but are extraordinary, valuable, and ultimately unattainable. A Queen would not allow herself to be someone’s “side chick” or any type of chick, but demands respect, and realizes that everyone and everything is not worth her time. This is determined at her own discretion and she is unapologetic. She knows that her success and well-being are invaluable and lying with dogs will not only get her fleas, but doesn’t further her objective. Which is to be the best she can be. I am teaching my girls to guard their gifts and their bodies because they are more precious than rubies and all the diamonds in the world. I am teaching them to value intelligence and growth. I am teaching them inner beauty, humility, compassion, and service are more important than outward appearances and being the “baddest b!*@%”. And it is ok to be on a selfish mission while on the road to bettering yourself and attaining academic success as long as you give back. No one or nothing should ever get in the way of that. I am teaching my girls that they are royalty and they should carry themselves as such. And I pray that it works. Otherwise, beating an ass returns to the table of options. Just kidding 😉